Monday 11 August 2008

The Song Shuffle

Like a ton of bricks life hit me a with a stinging jab as I walked down the street on my way to walk this morning. The iPod was on shuffle and on comes 'God Only Knows' by the Beach Boys from their Petsounds album.
Now before you gasp with disbelief with the uneasy thought, the Beach Boys?, Petsounds is considered a fucking masterpiece and for some reason the only album by the Beach Boys that folks from the left coast have never seem to have ever heard of before. Please excuse the digression.
Anyway, the lyrics stung me:

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
Ill make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
(repeat)

As it turns out, God and I have something in common. I know what I am without you. Sadly it seems like I am nothing more than a promiscuous philanderer given to bouts of profuse drinking to the point of debauchery. This revelation came on my way to work once I was sucker punched by the random nature of an mp3 player's algorithm for determining which digital audio file to 'play' next. God only knows? Please... let's review the recent behavior:
1) Went to a really nice dinner, drank copious amounts of wine, had sex.
2) Out of town visitor, drank enough to possibly kill a pony, had sex.
3) Went out of town, Jameson, had sex.
4) Went to a wedding, drank, had Clintonian sex.

Some folks may ask, what's the big deal? Lots of drinks, fun. Multiple sex partners, HIGH FIVE! But I have to stop and ask, is this it? Is this all there is? Am I forever doomed to live a loveless life with no real companion and one in which I replace the closeness of intimacy for a few fleeting moments of physical bliss in the form of unadulterated and unbridled sex? I used to think that you and I, we, could be so much more than what we have become. What have we become? We have become two people that don't even speak much less recognize that we spent any meaningful time with one another. We gave it our best shot. It just didn't work out. Hearing that song really fucked me up.

That was until...lunch.

Lunch time and I headed out for a short walk to pick up some food, falafel and Moby Dicks is pretty good. Don't get me wrong, I prefer Amsterdam Falafel on 18th in the Ad Mo but for today Moby Dicks did the trick.
Wouldn't you know the algorithm folks' programming hit me again, Bob Marley - "No Woman, No Cry" The music alone was enough to long for a sandy beach and a warm Caribbean breeze. Listening to the simple lyrics made me realize, I am doing A- fucking-OKAY.
Each day is my own and how I spend it is up to me. If I choose to drink to the point of liver failure and have sex with women that may or may not be married, then so be it. Do you know why? Because everything is going to be alright.

Shuffling my feet,
42

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